With hindsight the worst time for us so far, was after the fourth and fifth chemotherapy sessions. I think this is why I got the writing block. Everything was so horrible at that time, that in order to cope my mind just shut off and only coped with that day, that moment in time. I could not think about anything else.
Michael felt ill and so very tired and was spending most of the time in bed, staring into space with a fixed smile on his face . I could hardly get a word out of him. This non communication frightened me. Was the chemo affecting his brain?
Fortunately since the last blood transfusion a week ago he has brightened up. I nearly cried on Monday when I came home to find he had emptied the dishwasher and was in the process of preparing the evening meal.
Now, we can see the top of the mountain. Next week on the 31st October he will have his last chemo session.
An experience like this really changes your perspective on life and focusses your thoughts sharply on what is important.
I can no longer get excited about what I see as the trivialities of life. Our relationship is what is all important because it is finite. Everything else has faded into insignificance.
The other issue that has been preoccupying me is my house move. In fact, ( next to the cancer) finding a new home, is all consuming. Cancer has not kept me awake at nights, but selling and buying a new home has found me trawling the internet , or doing maths calculations and lists at 3am!
I accepted an offer on my house, but such are the vagaries of the English system, that until I have finally closed the door behind me on my current home., all parties can back out of the deal.
After viewing every promising property in the local area. I finally decided to buy a new apartment, “off plan” as they say. Which means it has not yet been built.
The two bed, two bath, fifth floor apartment is in a grade two listed former cotton mill. The main attraction is the roomy outside terrace, with lovely views over the surrounding hills.
It will not be ready for several months but I am really looking forward to the fun part of choosing bathroom and kitchen fittings and re furnishing and decorating.
Here are some pictures of the one bed show apartments and penthouses.