The first night I left Michael at the hospital, it suddenly occurred to me that in 33 years, I had never spent a night alone in my house. There had always been a husband, children, lover here.
Of course I lived alone before I married and have spent nights away on holiday in apartments and hotels, but they were always in buildings of multiple occupancy, with other people in the building. Suddenly there was 20 feet of garden between me and the next human being
I got a bit spooked because, being a detached bungalow, I can not see or hear the neighbours, nor can they see or hear me.
In other words,
Nobody would hear me scream!
After checking the locks three times, I settled down to watch my favourite detective drama, only to realise, too late, that it was about a serial killer who broke into the homes of 30 something white professional women. DUH!
Ok, I am not 30 something, but I thought, two out of three fits of the victim profile would not bother our local serial killer’s
The trouble was, I then had to watch the drama to the end just to be sure this particular offender was safely behind bars.
However as the days went on, I started to enjoy this unexpected solitude and found that living alone has its advantages.
1. Being off work, I found I could have a leisurely morning with nobody requiring cups of tea, clogging up the bathroom, and watching daytime TV.
2.I could also stay up late watching TV from my bed (comedy after the first night!) without having to worry about disturbing the other person in the bed, or sleepy “When are you going to turn that off?” comments making me feel guilty.
3.The house remained clean and TIDY! helping my sense of control….as I have said before, if all around is chaos, as log as the house is clean I can cope.
4. Having COMPLETE control over the remote control
6.Qiuetness…. how I missed the boring repetitive horse racing commentary from the afternoons. NOT!
7..and by the same token there was nothing to stop me playing ABBA at top note if I wanted to.
8. I did not not dance around the house naked to Dancing Queen, but given a few more days, I am sure I would have found the time.
Of course it was not without a sense of guilt that I enjoyed these pleasures. After all Michael was quite ill in hospital and I really wanted him to recover and come home. But secretly I enjoyed this little bonus of solitude.
As the time for Michael to be discharged approached I found myself trying out more and more activities, I would never do when Michael is liviing with me, like having conversations with myself, leaving the bathroom door open when I used it , sitting on the toilet whilst using the phone, eating out of cans and packages to save washing up and farting in bed!
and yes I left the corridor light on every night!
But now he is home,,,actually it was quite nice to hear the horse racing commentary this afternoon.
A year ago I was researching breakfast in Estonia