reflections

NOBODY WOULD HEAR ME SCREAM….

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The first night I left Michael at the hospital, it suddenly occurred to me that in 33 years, I had never spent a night alone in my house. There had always been a husband, children, lover here.

 Of course I lived alone before I married and  have spent nights away on holiday in apartments and hotels, but they were always in buildings of multiple occupancy, with other people in the building.  Suddenly there was 20 feet of garden between me and the next human being

I got a bit spooked because, being a detached bungalow, I can not see or hear the neighbours, nor can they see or hear me.

In other words,

Nobody would hear me scream!

After checking the locks three times, I settled down to watch my favourite detective drama, only to realise, too late, that it was about a serial killer who broke into the homes of 30 something white professional women.  DUH!

Ok, I am not 30 something, but I thought, two out of three fits of the victim profile would not bother our local serial killer’s

The trouble was, I then had to watch the drama to the end just to be sure this particular offender was safely behind bars.

However as the days went on, I started to enjoy this unexpected solitude and found that living alone has its advantages.

1. Being off work, I found I could have a leisurely morning with nobody requiring cups of tea, clogging up the bathroom, and watching daytime TV.

2.I could also stay up late watching TV from my bed  (comedy after the first night!)  without having to worry about disturbing the other person in the bed, or sleepy “When are you going to turn that off?” comments making me feel guilty.

3.The house remained clean and  TIDY!  helping my sense of control….as I have said before, if all around is chaos, as log as the house is clean I can cope.

4. Having COMPLETE control over the remote control

6.Qiuetness…. how I missed the boring repetitive horse racing  commentary from the afternoons.  NOT!

7..and by the same token there was nothing to stop me playing ABBA at top note if I wanted to.

8. I did not not dance around the house naked to Dancing Queen,  but given a few more days, I am sure I would have found the time.

Of course it was not without a sense of guilt that I enjoyed these pleasures. After all Michael was quite ill in hospital and I really wanted him to recover and come home.  But secretly I enjoyed this little bonus  of solitude.

As the time for Michael to be discharged approached I found myself  trying  out more and more  activities, I would never do when Michael is liviing with me,   like having conversations with myself,  leaving the bathroom door open when I used it , sitting on the toilet whilst using the phone,  eating out of cans and packages to save washing up  and farting in bed!

and yes I left the corridor light on every night!

But now he is home,,,actually it was quite nice to hear the horse racing commentary this afternoon.

Love Denise

A year ago I was researching breakfast in Estonia

https://denisefrombolton.com/2012/05/27/anyone-for-breakfast/

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15 thoughts on “NOBODY WOULD HEAR ME SCREAM….

  1. Love it! It’s that sense of freedom that suddenly dawns on you the longer you are on your own. Specially like the bit about leaving the door open and using the phone when you’re on the toilet and farting in bed! I can’t sing, totally tone deaf, but I love playing my cds and singing along at the top of my voice when I’m on my own.

    Hope you are coping all right now Michael is home. Look after yourself. Love Janet xx

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    • Yes, isn’t it great when you are tone deaf, to be able to sing at the top of your voice in an empty house with no chance of the neighbours even hearing.
      From one tone deaf person to another. We should start a choir!
      Love Denise

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  2. I’m so pleased that Michael is home!!!

    Your post made me laugh because I recognized many of the things that I do while Stephane is traveling for business. In fact, he’s in Barcelona tonight which is one of the reasons why I’m still up at 12:57 am.

    Time for bed. I just wanted to let you know that Michael and you are in my thoughts. I really wanted to comment on your last post but haven’t had a chance yet because I’ve been running around getting ready to leave for Boston tomorrow morning.

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    • I thought of you and other people I know, who live alonenor whose partners travel a lot. I wondered what peculiar habits you all have
      ..
      Bon voyage. Hope you enjoy your trip.
      Ah Boston….great memories!

      Love Denise

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  3. So happy that Michael is home!! Hope he gets along very well!
    This is a funny post Denise – and I’m sure very familiar with anyone/everyone who has spent time living alone!!!
    Hugs

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      • I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw the humor!!! I especially like # 8!!!!! Maybe you’ll find the time later on!!! Haven’t personally tried it but I know of people who do that!! One friend cooks breakfast – in the nude – for she and her husband!!!! I would be too afraid of bacon spatters – if you know what I mean!! LOL!! Ouch!!

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  4. Very glad to hear Michael is home. I’m sure he will really start to recover now he’s not “a hospital patient” although I hope your stores of patience can cope with being a nurse. GM (Gwan’s Mum) x

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    • Hi Bossy,Things are much better now we are in our own home and not the artificial atmosphere of the hospital room. We are both much more relaxed. Anxieties have shrunk and we are just concentrating on Michael recovering from this surgery. He is easily tired and sleeps alot, but otherwise seems back to his normal self.

      Thanks for your comment.

      Love Denis

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  5. Great post Denise ! I was already laughing at the order of your first enumeration : did the lover really appear in the house AFTER the husband Lol ? Yes it is great to be on one’s own and having the place to oneself when one knows that it’s only temporary. I guess that you have suspended the sale of the house ? Bisous

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  6. HI Anne, well sshh!,( the lover came in between husbands!)

    Actually, after a flurry of viewers when I first put the house on the market, the demand has died down and I notice a lot of new “for Sale” signs have sprung up. So I just have not been hassled by the agent., but the sign is still up.

    As the house is clean and tidy…(see above) it would not be a problem to show people around as I am still hoping to sell, pay off the mortgage and get a smaller place. Although in times like these you really appreciate the value of good neighbours.

    As my attitude is “if it is meant to be it will happen” I just carry on, but deep down I am hoping it will not sell and I am meant to stay here.

    Love Denise

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  7. I love how you find the silver linings!!!!!

    I grew up in a house fairly removed from its nearest neighbor. At least for the suburbs. My first night home alone, without parents or siblings, I was 20 yrs old and my boyfriend, who was on the other side of the continent in Montreal thought it would be a very good idea for me to watch A Clockwork Orange. I never truly recovered!!!

    I do some of the same things as you when Mr French is away, especially the open door peeing and savouring the absence of tv noise. But my personal favorite is skipping dinners! I love having just a bit a fruit and being done with it for the evening, which is not an option when the man is about the house!!!

    So glad he’s home. Thinking of you daily! S

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    • Hi Sylvia. Thanks for your thoughts. Yes I monitored my viewing after the first night and only watched comedy’s.

      I think some of it was about doing all the little things that irritate the other partner with freedom!…….like having all the TV’s in every room on at the same time so I could move from room to room and continue watching the same programme and talking to myself, which drives him mad because he thinks I am talking to him and he can’t hear me. The other thing I did was wore the same pyjamas for a full week!

      Love Denise.

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  8. I’ve lived by myself ever since my daughter left for college 15 years ago and I love it! There is nothing like the freedom to do or not do whatever you like, whenever you like to.
    Now that I live in a condo I feel safe but when I lived in a house I would get a bit paranoid at times, especially after watching a scary movie or series (not a good idea)

    I’m so happy to hear Michael is home, hospitals suck!

    Best thoughts and wishes

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  9. Hi Sylvia. S. Yes Michael is now home and apart from a little huccup when we went back the day after, as the wound was a bit red, he seems to be doing OK.

    We’re both much more relaxed now he is home.

    Love Denise

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