Coping with cancer.

WHERE IS DENISE..part two. .

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Yesterday I did something I have not done for weeks.   I stayed on the computer in my PJs till midday.

I blogged and caught up with some other bloggers,  Facebook and emails.

After dinner (lunch) I started to vacuum and dampdust, but the continuing rainy day outside added to my growing sense of gloom, futility and weariness,   which eventually overcame me and at 3pm I retired to my bed where after a while I  cried.

I don’t know why I  cried.  Maybe I was just indulging in self pity. I don’t know what the sense of futility was about either. Nothing we are doing is futile yet, but maybe it is just the futility of the fact that we all die sometime.

A few weeks ago I said I felt like we were descending into a dark cave with no idea if there’s a way out. Occasionally I would look up and marvel at the beauty of the clouds in the sky.

Well now I feel that we have reached the floor of the cave  and are tentatively walking forward in the dark, in the hope that there IS  a way out and desperately trying to avoid the pitfalls.    Can’t see the sky at all now,   too busy watching the floor.

Enough of the analogy.   I wished I could find something funny and or witty or ironic.  But just for today I wanted to sleep and sleep and wake up  when this is all over. So I slept and slept and slept.

Eventually I woke up and stumbled to the bathroom. I caught a whiff of the perfume left over from the candle sent by my freind in Paris.

. “a little whiff of Paris to remind you when you can’t be here

I cried again at the thoughtfulness of strangers, then I took a deep breath and got in the shower……and made myself daydream about Paris at Christmas

As she said in Gone with the wind.

“after all, tomorrow is another day”

So seize the day!

Love Denise.

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10 thoughts on “WHERE IS DENISE..part two. .

  1. Oh Denise, my heart goes out to you. You must be exhausted. We all need a safety valve, I know your blog has served this purpose well, but maybe tears followed by sleep is another one that works for you. Hope you are feeling better for it, look after yourself and stay strong, love from Janet x

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  2. Hi Denise! I just stopped by and was reading a few of your posts. I had a quick question about your blog and was hoping you could email me back when you get the chance -emilywalsh688 (at) gmail.com- Thanks : )

    Emmy

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