A year ago my dear friend Roniece persuaded to go public with my blog, which up to then had just been a kind of on line diary for my personal use.
Since then, to my amazement, I have had around 60,000 page views, which is a lot of people and a bit scary!
What was happening a year ago.? Well guess where I was?… Glad to note I have lost weight since then
and two years ago, I was also in Paris and at a car rally at the Bastille.
Sorry that somegthing seems to have gone wrong with” top posts” and “likes. You seem to have my face plastered all over instead of the pictures to go with the relevant posts.
This is also the anniversary of my Mums birthday, who died ten years ago. Today she would have been 93.
You would have loved Paris I am sure. You would love the food and the fashion and had great fun watching the fashionistas walking in the streets. You would love the churches, so many places to pray and be with your God. I am so sad I never got to take you there, but whenever I go to Paris, somehow you are with me.
I always remember how six months after you died, I stood in the Madeleine church and unexpectetly broke down . Great, huge, primeva,l sobs coming from somewhere deep within. I had been unable to cry up to that point but somehow It was as if you were there saying “it is OK, you can grieve now“.
Whenever I am in Paris, I try to visit the Madleine just to say hello to you.
The older I get the more I understand and appreciate who and what you were. I realise now that although you were not very educated, your life had made you very wise. Not that you ever pretended to be wise and were probably not aware of your wisdom.
You were small, shy and unassuming, a very ordinary Lancashire woman. You were the one person who allowed me to be myself. You never made judgements, despite all the stuff I did , that I now realise, that must have given you cause for concern, you kept your anxieties to yourself.
From you I learned to accept people for what they are, I learned about forgiveness… “ there but for the grace of god” you used to say, and I hear that phrase whenever I hear myself saying or thinking bad about a person and try to look for why people are horrible or selfish or greedy or just plain bad. “Eh luv, most of it is based on fear” you told me. Given the circumstances that this person I am critisising had experienced, would I be any different? ( I don’t always succeed in this, but your voice is always there)
You didn’t know you were teaching me these things, you taught me them by your exzmple, how you were towards others.
Knowing how headstrong I am, you had the wisdom never to try to tell me what to do. You might occasionally express an opinion, but I can never remember you expressing any disaproval…. you just let me make my own mistakes, (which is the only way I learn!) and were there when things went wrong to cushion the fall, or to celebrate when it all turned out right.
I always know that you loved me no matter what.
Writing this I realise that my son is exactly the same as me and the way of handling it, I learned from you!
Thanks for everything you taught me.
So much more I could say, but just for today, I miss you.