A year ago my dear friend Roniece persuaded to go public with my blog,  which up to then had just been a kind of on line diary for my personal use.

Since then, to my amazement,  I have had around 60,000 page views,  which is a lot of people and a bit scary!

What was happening a year ago.?  Well guess where I was?…  Glad to note I have lost weight since then

and two years ago, I was also in Paris and at a car rally at the Bastille.

Sorry that somegthing seems to have gone wrong with” top posts” and “likes.  You seem to have my face plastered all over instead of the pictures to go with the relevant posts.


This is also the anniversary of my Mums birthday, who died ten years ago.  Today she would have been 93.

sid and mum 002

Dear Mum.

You would have loved Paris I am sure. You would love the food and the fashion and had great fun watching the fashionistas walking in the streets.  You would love the churches,  so many places to pray and be with your God.  I am so sad I never got to take you there, but whenever I go to Paris, somehow you are with me.

I always remember how  six months after you died, I stood in the Madeleine church and unexpectetly broke down .  Great, huge, primeva,l sobs coming from somewhere deep within.  I had been unable to cry up to that point but somehow It was as if you were there saying “it is OK, you can grieve now“.

Whenever I am in Paris, I try to visit the Madleine  just to say hello to you.

The older I get the more I understand and appreciate who and what you were.   I realise now that although you were not very educated,  your life had made you very wise.  Not that you ever pretended to be wise and were  probably not aware of your wisdom.

You were small, shy and unassuming,  a very ordinary Lancashire woman.  You were the one person who allowed me to be myself.  You never made judgements,  despite all the stuff I did , that I now realise, that must have given you cause for concern,   you kept your anxieties to yourself.

From you I learned to accept people for what they are,  I learned about forgiveness…   “ there but for the grace of god”  you used to say,   and I hear that phrase whenever I hear myself saying or thinking  bad about a person and try to look for why people are horrible or selfish or greedy or just plain bad.  “Eh luv,   most of it is based on fear”  you told me.   Given the circumstances that this person I am critisising had experienced, would I be any different?  ( I don’t always succeed in this, but your voice is always there)

You didn’t know you were teaching me these things,  you taught me them by your exzmple,  how you were towards  others.

Knowing how headstrong I am,  you had the wisdom  never to  try  to tell me what to do.  You might occasionally express an opinion, but I can never remember you expressing any disaproval…. you  just let me make my own mistakes,   (which is the only way I learn!)    and were there  when things went wrong to cushion the fall,  or to celebrate when it all turned out right.

I always know that you loved me no matter what.

Writing this I realise that my son is exactly the same as me  and the way of handling it, I learned from you!

Thanks for everything you taught me.

So much more I could say, but just for today, I miss you.

Love Denise


16 thoughts on “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG. ( and my mum)

  1. Wonderful post Denise. I still have my mom and I tend to take it for granted … So I try to keep in mind that I should make the most of her presence because one day it will be too late.


  2. What a beautiful tribute to your Mum – she sounds like a wonderful woman and from her picture, a cheery and fun woman as well! I think you are like her in more ways than one and certainly learned a lot about living life from her! I’m reading this with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes – I too know the feeling of living without my dear Mother who has been gone for 7 years – we will always, always miss and love them! Thanks for such a beautiful post- somehow I know that your Mum knows you have posted this and of course she knows the love you carry for her in your heart!


  3. Hi again – the “S: above is me!!! Not sure why it didn’t put in Sandy??? Anyway, that is my comment on this post – and by the way, forgot to mention Congratulations on the 1st anniversary of your Blog!!!! Really enjoy your posts! Hugs and Bisous!


  4. A lovely post Denise. I’m sure your mum would have been proud of you and of her grandchildren as well. My mum was a very quiet unassuming lady who has been gone now for 25 years and I still miss her gentleness and wisdom.

    I always enjoy reading your posts so I’m really pleased that Roniece persuaded you to go public! happy 1st birthday blog!
    Love from Janet x


  5. oh Muriel… how you smile me so! what a fabulous posting and a wonderful tribute to you darling Mum. I miss mine with all my heart. You have some lovely memories of her and I can see from her pic that you have her beautiful smile! So looking forward to seeing you in Paris (where you belong) next week… Bisous


  6. Lovely post, even though it brought tears to my eyes, remembering my Mum, my Mum-in-Law and my oldest sister, who was like a mum to me. I suppose I was lucky to have three Mums, except I haven’t got any now. Your Mum looks lovely – so merry! GM x


  7. Dear Denise, I’ve been a bad blogger friend of late – I’m sorry that I didn’t comment on this very special post any earlier but I was busy with Sara’s last days in Paris.

    Your mum was a very wise woman, as are you. Do you ever light a candle for her in the Madeleine? My mother was raised Catholic so I’ve started lighting a candle and putting it in front of her patron saint (Joan of Arc) whenever I’m in a Catholic church. Even though my mother felt alienated from the church as she grew older and I’m not Catholic, it still gives me a great deal of comfort. Like you, I feel my mother’s presence and usually walk away with tears in my eyes.

    I’m so happy that Roniece convinced you to go public with your blog!


    • No problem Mary Kay, time with your daughter is precious for both of you. . You can catch up with me any time.

      I always light a candle for my mum in the Madeleine, even though she was not a Catholic I just feel she is there because that was the place and time she allowed me to grieve.

      In fact she was a lifelong Methodist but returned to the the church in later life and got a lot of comfort and friends from it.

      Love Denise


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