New year has never had much meaning for me, except as an excuse to get drunk when I was young, stand in the cold waiting for a taxi, or work overnight on the most miserable night of the year, reflecting on what could have been…… Every day is the beginning of a new year, except my birthday which is the REAL new year for me.
But it is the time of year that people reflect and make lists of things they resolve to do in the coming year. Not sure if I really want to get involved in that., but here goes.
Here is what I wrote last January.
January 8th 2012
“Every year I resolve to keep a diary or some record of my life, which is rapidly getting towards it’s end. Maybe I should write as if it is a trip report, which actually it is. The journey of my life.
Michael is watching football, United and City. I hate football. hate the sound of the commentary, hate the culture, all of it.
Anyway. I think I should be hibernating . Winter is dark and cold. We stock up on food at Christmas and our bodies are then prepared for a long sleep! I have not been out of the house since Friday just messed about, washing, cleaning and inter-netting ( mostly inter-netting!) to be fair. I am recovering from the worst cold I have ever had and I am easily tired.
This time next week I will be in my beloved Paris. Staying in the 10th near canal St Martin this time with Lizzie. I am plotting a solo trip in February but do not yet know if I have got the time off. The trip is turning into a bit of an internet get together as Jane and Dawn from US and Roniece from Austrailia are joining Lizzie and me to go to Marche au Puces on Monday…. should be good.”……………..
So, I am pleased to report that I have kept a record of my life this year in the form of this blog . I DID have my solo trip to Paris in February and I am still planning trips to Paris. Roniece and Jane are now really good friends and my friendship with Lizzie survived the trip!… I met Dawn and I am seeing her again in January, I hope.
I do wonder why I am compelled to keep this blog though. Why do I want to share my life with a bunch of anonymous internet strangers? …some of whom have become my friends, which is very nice. But why do I want to be so public? often baring my soul to anybody who happens to read it?
I am not a writer, I write in what my son, a professional writer, calls ” a stream of conciousness” but I do find some therapeutic value on getting things out on paper. Love, joy, fear, sadness I have written about these during the year.
I have a tendency to introspection, (” tendency” is an understatement!”) which can take over if I am not careful. I can hide myself away just to indulge in my thoughts. This is why it is so important to me to take solo trips. To allow me to get this aspect of me out of the way as this tendency can lead to depression, when my thoughts get more and more complicated.
Blogging helps me to get these thoughts on paper and leave them behind to get on with my “real” life , as opposed to the life in my head .
Reflecting on 2012, it has been a good year, a happy year for me. Despite Michaels diagnosis of a chronic, life threatening, condition, this is now controlled until this last week, but he seems well. This in itself gave us a heightened awareness of our own limited mortality and helped us to live one day at a time.
We enjoyed trips to Paris , London, Estonia and Finland and of course I went to Boston and Glasgow. I was reunited with my brother over the phone and the internet, healing the wounds of decades, I hope, which is wonderful.
.. and I made new friends, some from this blog, which is a blessing.
The Vendange in Paris in September. Coming together of lots of internet Paris friends.
..and of course, I am thankful that I was able to ride my bike, and ride my bike and eventually got a new one. Got fit, lost weight, put it on again. Maybe my aim should be to keep my BMI below 25!
Things I would do differently….well I would remember to send birthday cards, which sparked off the disagreement between my children and I would do something earlier about the grudge I had with partygirl, I had held for two years. Lessons learned.
The best day that stands out is my birthday/wedding anniversary in March, when, unplanned we rode on the bus and wandered in London and had some lovely unexpected experiences and met some lovely people. Sometimes it is the unexpected simple spontaneous activities that are the best… and that was the day that I knew again why I loved Michael….and of course the memory we have just made on our Christmas trip to Paris is something I will carry with me always.
So, coming to the new year…. there is a three week creative writing course in September, maybe I will enrol on this. Trip to Paris is coming and of course the trip to California to spend three weeks with my brother and his family.
Otherwise my aim is to live each day as it comes, savouring what life brings and enjoying it while I can. Loving the people who love me and trying to be kind. (which all sound very noble but I sometimes find it difficult to be kind) Sometimes I am grumpy and impatient and that gets in the way. Some times I can be selfish and I need to stop thinking of myself. But at the same time I am human so the greatest gift my friends and family give me is accepting me as I come.
It is difficult to make plans, when, Michaels health is uncertain, the job situation is uncertain and my financial situation is very dependent on selling my house.
But life is good. I have so many blessings.
Wonder where I will be at new year 2014?
Hope you all have a wonderful 2013 and may all your dreams be fulfilled.
( sorry, not sure why this post has no paragraphs as I wrote it that way and can’t seem to edit it)